I think we’ve all agreed that we are entering the age of community. It’s how we get through hardships, which many are facing now at an all-time high. These are people you can rely on for rides, a cup of sugar, to watch your dog, or to lend you some tools. These are folks you can trade skills and resources with. These are people you can lean on in times of struggle.

But, how do you create community?

Well, good news for you, I’ve moved 8 times in my adult life and I’ve learned a thing or two, especially during this last big move. So, these are my tips for creating community. Keep in mind this in not conclusive. Please leave your tips below so that we can make this a series.

Get out of your comfort zone

First and foremost, you have to put yourself out there. A great quote I heard on TikTok is if you want a village, you have to GO to the village. The villagers won’t find you in your living room, they’ll find you at the store, at the farmer’s market, at the movie theater, and so forth. You HAVE to get out and do things. Yes, it’s easier said than done.

To be fully honest, I could not be getting out as often as I do right now without my migraine meds. I know what it’s like to have a disability hold you back from social events and making friends. It sucks. I am so thankful I found a solution for me that enables me to get out and about.

But, for me, this also looks like getting out of my comfort zone. There is nothing I love more than cozying up at 8 pm any night of the week to watch a show or read a book. But, sometimes my community demands I get out past that time. Swing dancing does til 10 pm, some of my political meetings run at that time, or a town hall that starts late.

Maybe you’re shy or have social anxiety. Practice makes it easier! I used to hate introducing myself to strangers, but now I love it. I love knowing the names of people I see frequently and offering a friendly greeting when I see them next. Honestly, that’s the first step to any of the below tips: introduce yourself and be intentional about remembering people’s names. Remembering someone’s name is a huge way to leave a good impression!

be intentional

I already mentioned committing names to memory, but every part of the community-building and maintenance process is intentional. Remember people’s birthdays, ask about someone’s allergies before a potluck, say hi when you see a friend from school at the grocery store, and more.

And, just GO!

On the fence about an event? JUST GO!! Maybe it’s a protest or a town hall or a talk about composting or trying out a new club or hobby, just GO! The worst-case scenario is that you find out it’s not for you. It’s okay to try a few groups or clubs before settling on what works best for you. The best-case scenario is that you find your people! It’s worth the risk, in my opinion.

For example, early this spring, there were nationwide protests for public lands. There was no protest on the map for Redwood National Park, so I said, I’ll do it! It was scary to get out of my comfort zone and just do it, but I did it! I made friends and connections, and honestly, would not have gotten involved with activism on campus had I not done this, since someone from that club joined my protest. So many connections happen when you just go!

Join Facebook or Reddit groups

The first thing I do whenever I move (but it’s never too late to join even if you’ve lived somewhere for a long time) is to join online groups and forums. To be honest, I’ve never made true connections on these platforms, but they are a great guiding light. I join vegan and queer Facebook groups. I hop on hiking Reddit threads for my area. This is a great way to learn about events such as craft fairs, markets, group hikes, crochet circles, book clubs, and more! Social media is great for spreading the word.

Honestly, once you join one, it’s easier to find others. I asked about book clubs in one of my Facebook groups, and someone pointed me to a specific book club event on Instagram that I now follow, for example. There are groups for everything from single mom groups to fiber arts groups to birding groups and so much more. This is a great place to start!

Post & read flyers

Or, do it the old-fashioned way! Back in the day, before the internet, flyers were the norm and are still popular! Check out flyer boards at cafes, on school campuses, city centers, libraries, and more. If you live in an apartment, check your laundry room, mail room, or entryway. I even see lots of advertisements on telephone poles. I’ve learned about clubs and hikes and events, and festivals in this way. This can also be a means for YOU to organize something! Suggest you and your neighbors have a potluck, host a clothing swap, or things of that nature. Flyers are a great way to advertise to all passersby!

Do a regular hobby/event

As I said, these groups are not that great for me personally to really develop lasting relationships with folks in my life. I honestly had no idea the best way to go about this until we moved here. My best tip: do something regularly and stick to it! For us, it’s swing dancing. We had never danced before, but one of Dan’s coworkers invited us to a Halloween social just over 6 months ago. To be honest, I hated it. Once again, I really had to get out of my comfort zone.

I hate touching strangers, I hate being close to strangers, I hate textures and smells and things you get when you’re close to another sweaty human, and I hate improv. So, yes, I hated everything about swing dancing at first. But I learned to love it. It was extremely out of my comfort zone, but I pushed through, and now I joyfully dance with sweaty humans.

The best part of this is it’s regular. Every week, I meet with the same group of people with some new folks sprinkled in. It’s a great way to practice my skills of remembering names and details about folks that end up being my friends. We also often go out dancing on other days of the week and over time, find out that we have other shared interests.

I know, not everyone wants to swing dance (but I highly recommend it) so try whatever is your speed. Of course, you can make regular events with people you already know, such as weekly golf outings, but I highly recommend a hobby that allows you to meet new people, too. I love that swing dancing has introduced me to so many unique people! Here are a few ideas:

Weekly book club
Weekly fiber arts group (my library has several)
Weekly game night with people you already know
Regular hiking group
Volunteer regularly
Do a regular trash clean-up
Church groups are great, too

Some are free, some have a cost, so do what works for you!

Join a club

I finally see why so many people reminisce on their college days: it is SO easy to build community on campus! This was my first semester, and I don’t even live on campus, but truly, I’ve made so many connections. Yes, I meet friends in class, but I think the best way to actually make meaningful connections is by joining clubs and organizations where people will have similar interests to yours.

Some of my campus clubs revolve around your degree, such as the politics club or environmental studies club, but others revolve around interests, such as the sustainability club and the birding club. There are so many offerings that you will surely find what interests you if you go to school.

This is also how I got involved with student activism, which has built me friendships and connections and provided me with ways to give back to my community, which is something I value.

Exchange numbers with people

It’s one thing to make friends with folks that you see once a week, but stay connected! Exchange numbers or social media handles to stay up to date. This also gives you a way to contact them if you want to hang out outside of that event or need help with something. Writing this literally inspired me to text a friend to go on a weekend hike with our dogs, and they said yes! Look, this method works!

This is also best for me, someone who has my social media notifications turned off. And, in an emergency, you don’t have to filter through a bunch of feeds and random people you follow to find who you need to come and help.

I also plan to exchange numbers with my neighbors. Yes, I’ve lived here for 6 months now. I’m writing this to hold myself accountable! Ideally, I want to create a group chat if everyone is down. Now, I’m not exactly besties with my neighbors. We’re all friendly, but not close. Though this is an excuse to get to know them better or, at the very least, have a means to contact them in an emergency. They’re the closest to me physically, which can be important in terms of things like a natural disaster or if I need someone to feed my dog, for example.

Combine your circles

Now that I’m part of a few circles in my town, I can see where the interests overlap. I swing dance with a lot of other students from my school. One of these friends mentioned that they were interested in politics and activism, and so I said, “Hey, you should join this club with me, we do campus activism!” It was a great way to bridge that gap and expand both of the circles I’m part of.

A lot of our swing dancing friends also have other interests and similarities to us, such as mountain biking, hiking/backpacking, and being vegan. So, it’s fun to invite them to do other things besides just swing dancing. Once you find your first shared interest, it’s fun to see how else you can connect in other ways to deepen that relationship!

Be there for your friends

But a community is more than just saying hi to a friend on the street. It’s being able to offer a ride to a friend who doesn’t have a car. It’s house sitting while I friend goes out of town. It’s delivering a meal to a friend who is ill or just had a baby. It’s letting someone borrow your truck to move across town instead of having to rent a vehicle or offering your couch so they don’t have to buy a hotel room.

Ooh, look, a perk to the community besides relationship building! We all save money and become less reliant on capitalism and billionaires when we rely on one another instead of buying stuff. This is another way we can break up with consumerism; more tips here.

Be a villager

Remember how I said you have to go BE in the village if you want to be a villager? Well, being a villager also means you have to ask for help and accept help/favors, too. Yes, some people will always give more than they take from the community, but you cannot give 100% and take 0%. It will burn you out and may give the wrong ideas to the rest of your village.

Ask people for rides, ask for a dog sitter, accept the gift of baked goods or a birthday card without feeling the need to return the favor. Plenty of people love giving gifts, it’s their love language! Let them love you in their way!

I get it, it takes a lot of courage to ask for help, especially since we were all groomed by this society to be individuals and told that asking for help is a weakness. But this is how we build strong communities.

Remember that you can’t do it all

It’s okay to say no. Being part of the village doesn’t mean you have to attend EVERY event and fill every role. You can say no! If one week I’m not feeling well, I’m going to sit out swing dancing. If one week I need to study for an exam, I may have to sit out a protest. Burnout is hard to recover from. Watch out for the signs of burnout to prevent it from settling in fully.

But, this is the perk of expanding your communities: it’s not just you! If your friend asks you a favor and you can’t do it, that’s okay, someone else will be there.

I will leave you with these tips to start! There are more ways, of course, so leave your tips below. Let’s all enter the age of community again. Western society is way too individualistic, and it does nothing but hurt us all. On the flip side, building community does nothing but benefit everyone. Especially at a time like this, where so many communities are under attack, let’s protect one another. Let’s band together to fight back and fight together.

Thank you for watching, and thank you for the work you do for the planet and for your fellow humans. Let’s keep after it!

As always, remember that your small actions make a big difference in the long run :)

Emma

Tips for Building Community in the age of Isolation